The Haunted Toaster
by Ariacan Phoenix
Summary: Zero buys a toaster from eBay. But it's not just any toaster!


AN: I do not own the X characters, blah blah blah, you get the drill.

While going through some of my old things, I found an old paper that I wrote dealing with a haunted toaster for my 8th grade creative writing class. Here's an updated version with the X characters. Enjoy!

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_The Haunted Toaster a.k.a. Follow the Directions!_

X sighed, resting his head against his hand while sitting at his desk. It was Saturday afternoon, everything was done, but more importantly, Zero was nowhere to be found. That meant bad news most of the time, usually with screams of terror coming from the filing staff or some poor novice getting the living daylights scared out of them, followed by yells of aggravation or laughter, but it was enough to keep him busy most of the time.

However today was different. Everything seemed to be quiet at the HQ, no one has died of fright today, but the most important thing was that there were no new patients in the med ward, probably meaning that Zero was sulking or lurking about.

To add to this, it was three thirty two, and usually Zero's antics start around ten in the morning.

"Maybe he's given up on the whole prank thing," X yawned, feeling the need for a nap. He settled down on the couch and was about two seconds away from sleep when someone burst into his room.

"HEY X!" the intruder cried, "CHECK THIS OUT!!"

"WAUGH!!!!!" X screamed, jerking his body up at least two feet into the air from the couch seat, heart pounding and breathing hard. He looked to the door to see just who the hell decided to be a smartass and scare the bejesus out of him.

It was Zero, of all people, standing in the doorway and holding something in his arms.

"What the heck was that for?! You almost gave me a heart attack!" huffed X, still breathing hard. "Next time knock for the love of God!"

"Hey hey hey, now! Chill out man! I wanted to show you this lil' baby!" smirked Zero as he brought forth a small shiny red toaster. X glanced down at it, his eye twitching with anger.

"Ok, let me get this straight. I could have been getting in some well-deserved sleep right now, but instead you burst through my door, nearly giving me a bloody heart attack, to show me a TOASTER?! HAVE YOU GONE INSANE OR WHAT?!?!"

"Hey, chill out. After you told me about that online auction site...uh...what was its name again?"

"It's eBay."

"That one! Yeah, anyway, I won this haunted toaster that does these cool things!"

"A haunted toaster? Like what?" the brown-haired reploid huffed, crossing his arms.

Zero put the toaster on the table and took out a piece of white bread from X's pantry, bringing it back over to the toaster and held it up, smiling. "This is a regular piece of white bread, correct? Now we'll just put in here and..." The blonde hunter stuck the bread into the slot and pushed down the slot button. Around 45 seconds later, wheat toast popped out and onto the table.

"Whoa! How'd you get wheat toast?" X was interested in the little red slotted machine now.

"No one knows. The cool thing is that when you put in wheat bread, you get pumpernickel, and when you put in pumpernickel, you get a blueberry muffin!"

"That's a load of bull."

"Oh, you don't believe me eh? Well, it just so happens I have some pumpernickel right here!" Zero said as he put the piece of pumpernickel bread into the slot and pressed the button down again. Around one minute later a blueberry muffin popped out, sliced in half, and went PLOP! on the table.

"Whoa! It is a blueberry muffin! That's too freaky!" X smiled.

"Ain't it awesome? It was worth the 600 zenny I bid on it! Aren't you glad I got you up?" Zero chuckled.

"Cool, yes. Glad that you got me up and nearly killed me by surprise, no."

"Pft, you're no fun..."

"I wonder," X said, bringing his hand to his chin in thought, "what happens when you put a bagel in there?"

"Hmmm...good question!" Zero replied. He went back into X's pantry, found a bag of bagels, and brought one back, sticking it into the slots before hitting the button yet again. Around three minutes later, two pork chops popped out, toasted quite well but still leaving the meat rare.

X and Zero both blinked in disbelief at the new product.

"I...is that a pork chop?!" asked X, stunned to see toasted meat from a toaster.

"Aw man! What a rip-off! I was hoping for one of those Toast-E Cakes!"

"What happens when you put in a piece of rye bread?"

"Let's see, shall we?" Zero grinned, excited at the thought. He grabbed some rye bread from X's pantry and stuck a slice into the toaster, pressing that button yet again. About 30 seconds pass before dark red toast popped back out. X took a piece and bit into it before spitting it back out in disgust, tossing the bread down onto the table and covering his mouth.

"What's the matter, man?"

"Tastes like human blood!" he gagged before rushing into the kitchen for a glass of water. The sound of gurgling and spitting could be heard in the next room.

"Ooooh! Human blood toast! I gotta write that down!" Zero jokingly commented.

"Well, what about waffles?" X said, walking back to Zero and wiping his mouth.

"Meh, the auction description said something about using waffles and getting a toasted human hand in return or something like that," replied the blonde hunter.

"Well, whatever. Just...stick it in the lounge and get it out of my sight...I'm never gonna get that taste out of my mouth...bleh!"

"Psh, fine," huffed Zero, grabbing his precious toaster and left the room, walking down to the lounge and left it on the counter next to the fridge.

'_Maybe I should put up a warning about the waffles?'_ he thought for a moment, then smiled mischievously to himself, _'Nah, I'll let it do its dirty work! Heh heh heh!'_ With that last thought, he left the room, leaving the little red haunted toaster to do its magic.

Not that long afterward, Axl walked into the lounge, intent on fixing himself a cup of coffee to wake him up. He grabbed himself a mug before noticing the toaster, and then shrugged, pouring the black coffee into his cup. A sudden urge to have a waffle dominated his thoughts as he opened the lounge's fridge. He pulled out two waffles from the box and stuck them into the toaster slots before pushing the button, waiting for those toasty snacks.

Five minutes pass before Axl began to get suspicious of the little red toaster. But one thing was for sure.

IT WAS TAKING FOREVER, DAMMIT!

"Jesus, how long does that thing take to make a bloody waffle?!" he asked quietly. He sighed and decided to wait it out, figuring that he would get blackened waffles in return.

Five more minutes pass before Axl became curious as to the status of his waffles. He got up from one of the chairs and examined the toaster. No plug, no cord, nothing. Was this some sort of stupid prank? Axl decided to peer into the slots to see even if his waffles were cooking.

Big mistake.

What he saw was a creepy red glow before the toaster became unbearably warm. He put the toaster back on the counter before two small beams of red light shot out from the slots for three seconds, then died down before the button shot back up to its ready position, and out popped two toasted human hands. The young reploid stared at the new product, mystified as to what just happened to his waffles when a few of the fingers twitched on the 'left hand', while the 'right hand' made a peace sign before returning to its resting state.

Axl's eyes widened at the sight, memories of his time in VR coming back to him.

"Oh god....oh god....toasted human hands....hands....! Oh god, OH GOD!!!" he cried out, curling into the fetal position on the floor. "The nightmares are coming back, the nightmares are coming back, the nightmares are coming back!"

At that moment, Signas walked in, also intent on fixing another cup of coffee. He noticed the whimpering Axl on the floor, and sighed before turning his attention to the coffee pot. He grabbed the pot and poured himself a cupful, then turned his attention to Axl again, who was still on the floor.

"Whatever kind of drugs you're on, kid, stay off of 'em. We went through a lot of therapy for the VR thingy that got you, as well as the supposed weed habit the whole base thought you had," said the commanding reploid, sipping on his coffee, "Now get off the floor and get back to work....hmm?"

"Toaster....waffles...hands...toasty..." Axl incoherently muttered, eyes wide and tearful.

"Toaster? We got a new toaster? Good. It looks like Zero finally decided to replace the one he destroyed in that bottle rocket experiment," chuckled Signas, turning his attention to the haunted toaster, taking one of the human hands and eyeing it.

"Hey, it's those new Toaster Strudels!" he hummed to himself as he bit into it, munched a little, then eyed the hand again. He shrugged, assuming that it had to be the filling, and left the room, happily munching on his new snack.

"My....waffles....light....toasty....mommy...." the young reploid whimpered, still on the floor.

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Well, what'd you guys think of it? I had to revamp most of the story since the original had the guy die in the end. At that time my teacher questioned the content even though it was well-written in her opinion. Positive criticism is much appreciated, while flames will be laughed at.

Update: Several people have pointed out that there is a cartoon on Newgrounds that is similar to this story. I did not see this cartoon at the time of publication of this story, but after watching it, I realized that it was very close to what I had written. I will say that this story is not a rip-off as one rudely told me in a review (you know who you are), just purely coincidental. It's scary how two people can think alike, isn't it?


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